Job loss can come in many forms. You get laid off, fired, let go, or asked to resign for reasons like downsizing of the company, sub-standard performance, it’s not a ‘good fit’, or we-don’t-have-to-tell-you. Regardless of the situation, you hit a brick wall going 60 mph.

Shock.

Confusion.

Anger.

and Fear.

How many times can you say, “What am I going to do?” as if all at once the answer will make an entrance. Your head is swirling and it seems your brain has suddenly been stripped of everything within. Words don’t come. And even physically, you’re not sure whether to stand up, sit down, put your coat on, or call someone. For an instant, your world stops spinning.

You will always remember the date, time, and place when you received the news. Perhaps even what you were wearing. My first time? December 14, 2008 at 4:45 pm when everything in the U.S. related to housing and building went down the tubes. And yes, there was a 2nd time on February 16, 2015 at 8:15 am after a corporate acquisition. Uh-huh. I hit the wall twice.

Things you don’t know at the time ~

• This is not the end of the road for you.
• Your emotional state of numbness will be temporary.
• In most cases, it’s a blessing, by forcing you into your UNcomfort zone.
• You will come out the other end a much stronger person than you are today.
• This event is just another part of your life story. And there’s another chapter yet to be written.
• YOU. WILL. BOUNCE. BACK. This brick wall is made of rubber.

In the mainstream of the world as we know it, losing a job for whatever reason at whatever time, can play havoc with our self image, no matter how many conversations we have with ourselves, or how many excuses we make to defend our position. It’s a lonely place to be, even when surrounded by close and well-meaning people. And often, those friends who are never short on words, suddenly have little to say. Awkward.

Regardless of your good sense, the words of your former employer (“Carol, this happens all the time in acquisitions”), or the kind words of others who know your skills and virtues, there’s a high tendency to see yourself in a negative way. Especially in a ‘right-to-work’ state, you may wonder why you got the axe. It’s not long before you lose the confidence you had yesterday, and see yourself as unworthy, inferior, and totally confused about what you have to offer the world.

It’s very similar to a death. For many, our jobs become our identity or ‘who we are’, and when the rug is pulled out from under, we really find out what stuff we’re made of.

5 Tips for the first week ~

1. Cry. My usual guideline is 15 minutes of crying in a situation that knocks me off my feet before putting my boots on and pulling them up. But in the case of job loss or death of a loved one, you may need a little more cry-time.
2. It’s not your obligation or job to inform all those you love and adore, for fear their feelings will be hurt if they’re not the first to hear your news. Put YOU at the top of your list, and give yourself the time you need (a few hours or days) to come to grips. At that point it doesn’t mean you have answers. It just means you’re ready to tell someone.
3. Don’t think about what to do next or about looking for a new job.
4. Eat good healthy food, clean your house, and do a few things during the next few days that you can’t normally do during the week.
5. Get out of the house at least once a day and talk to someone. Even if it’s the checkout person at the grocery store.

Be advised that weekdays will be like visiting a remote foreign country where nothing is familiar. There’s no worse feeling at 10:00 am when everyone else is at work or school, there are no sounds of cars out front, the quiet is deafening, and you feel purposeless. Ironically, for many of us who have experienced the loss of a job, these are the days we’ve always yearned for…… being at home alone when everyone else is at work! But now it’s different. It wasn’t a choice. You have bills to pay. And your emotions are running amuck.

Go back to #4. Create a small task, and get it done. For that day, you’ll feel there was some merit to your effort, and if nothing else, the distraction will give you a boost. Perhaps it’s fixing a dinner other than the usual. Or clean out a closet, paint the bathroom bright pink (if the paint’s on sale), or weed the back yard.

A healthy piece of advice as you start to peel yourself off the brick wall and bounce back ~

Everything you do during your day should either contribute to making money or saving money. I interpret that as avoiding activities that are tempting, but will not serve you well in this particular situation. Like bowling.

I will always remember this advice from a dear friend who at the time had no idea of the value of his statement. He sat on my shoulder (and still does) like Jiminy Cricket. If nothing else, it will help keep the financial stress from growing.

And at the risk of losing you as a reader, I will stand firm in telling you that as the single mom of four kids, in looking back, it is an excruciating, wonderful, scary as $*%#, fabulous thing to experience. The challenge of job loss drove me to new heights, new places I never would have gone, and helped make me who I am today. It opened the door to my UNcomfort zone once again, and pushed me in head first. And for that, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Hang in there, and above all else, have faith in yourself. ~ Carol ♥