Just like so many other things in life, there seems to come a time for most of us when we question our ‘happiness’. For me, it started rearing its ugly head once the kids were on their own, and I was alone in my 200-year-old 4-story house with Olive my black lab, and Marley the spotted gecko I was fostering.

Up until that point, life was managing me; I had little or no part of being in charge. Keeping up with carpools, the job(s), feeding people, paying the bills, chasing dogs, getting kids through college, and doing laundry, taxes, and meals was enough to blur my mind for three decades.

And now I question myself on a weekly basis. Am I happy? What does that mean? I raised 4 very successful kids who support themselves and my gran-babies, are kind to others, cut the grass, pledge the flag, believe in family, and vote every two years. I’ve always lived in nice homes, have been blessed with great health, and am easily captured by those around me (friends!). So why do I even ask? Of course I’m happy. 

Part of it is the curse of being overly analytical, with the 1st-born characteristic of ‘perfectionism’ haunting me daily. Do you always need an answer or explanation for everything? Yup, that’s me.

But the more relevant question is what (truly) makes us happy.

I see happiness in several ways. Some of us immediately think of things we enjoy doing, ways we like to spend our time, and jobs with fulfillment.

And others think of ‘happiness’ as an attitude, state of being, or emotion. Yes, they’re intertwined, but it’s important to recognize the difference.

This is the ‘doing’ kind of happiness ~

1. Identifying what makes you (truly) happy is not always what you think makes you happy. This is part of being ‘true to yourself’, one of my all time favorite themes I’ve been dragging through life. (More on this later)

Step back during your day, week, or month. How did you respond and react in any given situation? Did you find yourself counting the minutes until it was over? What made you smile? What kept you up at night (by choice), or made you get up early to get started? Sometimes you may be surprised at what you see in the mirror, and are hopefully willing to identify and admit that perhaps you really l-o-v-e cleaning your home, organizing your finances, or mowing the lawn. If it’s a drudgery, or if you procrastinate doing it, most likely that’s not what brings you joy. Seems simple to figure out, but not always.

2. Ignore the judgement of others. Free yourself from doing things that meet the ‘happiness definition’ of your family members and friends. This also sounds easy, but it’s not. We all have a tendency to live the life others think we should live to avoid conflict, meeting standards we don’t care about, or we simply lack the stuff called ‘bravery’ to stand up for ourselves. I’ve been an expert at ‘D. All of the above’.

3. Are you willing to sacrifice something to do things that make you happy? Is it worth making a lifestyle change (no dinners out? sell the house?) to start that small business you’ve always dreamed of? Is downsizing something you would be willing to do to afford you the opportunity to make ‘happiness choices’? What are you willing to give up? Be honest with yourself and don’t be afraid to prioritize what you value, even if it seems ridiculous to someone in your tribe. That’s what ‘being true to yourself’ is all about. If you’ve identified ways to spend time that truly brings you joy, this step can be do-able!

Are these 3 challenges easy? No.

Do-able? Yes.

And definitely in your UNcomfort zone…… where the rewards are great. ♥

~ Carol