Several months ago I fell off the horse, and have had such difficulty climbing back on. Lots of Excuses. Lots of Reasons. Lots of Explanations.

I’ve been a true expert at neglecting what has so much meaning and purpose for me. . . . my Blog, and the people who may find it helpful.

Have you ever experienced a time when you’re really on a roll, cranking it out, serving your purpose, or meeting with success? And then something happens and you’re suddenly thrown off course?

If you’re like me, some of it has to do with being (or actually NOT being) disciplined at prioritizing what you need and want to do, instead of being held captive by all the distractions that come along.

Yeah, so the secret’s out. I struggle with life just as everyone else does.

Falling off the horse

So, what happened? How did I fall off that galloping bronco?

In a nutshell, after selling my house in VA, moving 4 stories worth of stuff to OH, and living in an adorable 2nd floor apartment for 18 months, I determined the apt wasn’t going to be a good fit long term. But I had no idea what to do about it.

It was no coincidence (there are NO coincidences) that a ‘For Rent’ sign went up on the lawn of a seldom available, cute little brick townhouse only a block away. It was May (not too long after my last post). And impulsively, with a large amount of killer instinct and drive to make it mine, I jumped on it.

I was willing to do whatever it took. Yes, to move for the 3rd time in 5 years.

Yikes.

Call me crazy.

Or maybe I’m just so experienced with downsizing and moving, it didn’t seem like that big a deal. So I navigated through all the bureaucracy of the property management company, and signed the lease. Then I started packing. Again.

Because my budget is so tight right now, I had to be out of my apartment to avoid paying 2 rents. So I was packing and moving boxes feverishly with the help of my 60-year-old GF/next door neighbor and her super size SUV.

Derailment at its best

And then I got the call from my sister. Everything stopped.

Our brother had been diagnosed that day with Stage 4 terminal cancer and had been admitted to ICU in Baltimore MD. I needed to go. But I couldn’t until I completed my move.

Long story very short, a week later in July, on the day he was admitted to Hospice, I drove to MD. And in another 7 days, he was resting in peace. The week I spent at his bedside was an honor, and time I will always cherish.

Talk about being derailed.

The funeral was at the end of July, and along with a much needed week at the beach in early August with the entire extended family to celebrate his life, I spent the rest of the summer doing whatever I could, helping his sons clean out his house of 27 years. More packing, downsizing, and moving.

There I was, already in September. I needed to get re-focused, but Excuse #1 was born. ‘Not until I unpack my boxes and get settled in in my new home.’ A few weeks later another calendar page flipped and I found myself in October.

Still being consumed by excuses and procrastination, and still no new posts on my Blog. Pathetic.

And that’s when self-doubt reared its ugly head.

Stuck in the muck

I was stuck.

One day after the next, there was always a reason why my Blog and audience would have to wait another day. The excuses were multiplying like rabbits.

And my eternal argument with the curse of perfectionism had a significant grip. “I need to figure out how to get back on the horse I love.”

How do I explain my absence? Do people really care, or even notice I’ve been negligent? Will I appear ‘unprofessional’? Do I write about what’s been going on? Or do I stick to topics and issues of downsizing and moving?

Motivation can simply be ‘Tired of being stuck’

This morning it was clear. I decided to stop analyzing, to be me, to speak from my heart, to be the person without a facade or pretense. After all, those are the folks I always gravitate to. Don’t you?

‘Authentic’ seems to be the buzzword of the year, so I think I’ll roll with that. At the end of the day it’s a whole lot easier for me, AND for you.

It may result in a little UNcomfort at times, but isn’t that what we need to fall in love with? ~ Carol ♥